On September 8th I wrote:

"My time with him taught me what real love is and what happens when you lose it.
And it taught me, despite the agony...Love is a risk worth taking."

And following that thought, I wrote:

"Stephen...I wish he would let me in, let me help him, let me be there for him.
Because I can give him what he needs...and he, in turn, can give me what I need."

He is indeed letting me in, whether he means to or not. Slowly, I glimpse more and more of what makes him who he is. Losing Babe is so difficult for him. I doubt he will ever stop missing her. I wish I could do something to ease his pain...and someday, I will figure something out to help give him closure, but right now there is nothing I can do but listen and be there for him.

We are spending increasing amounts of time together and it's getting dangerous for me to continue this way. The night before last he told me things that are no good for me to hear. I am hunting, creeping closer and closer to a dangerous predator...and the trail just got a little hotter. But you NEVER go after prey you know nothing about...

He needs someone who can handle him, but it's a learned trait...especially with someone like him. No woman is going to be able to waltz right in, snap her fingers and have him at her beck and call. That is WHY I like him so much...he's stubborn, hard headed and strong. He is one of the few men strong enough to face down MY stubborn, hard headed nature. He is one of the select few with enough backbone to match me. So I am sitting back right now, watching and waiting. I am learning more every day about how to handle him. The #1 rule? Never tell him what to do. Suggest and hint. The hardest part is going to be helping him reign in his drinking. He knows he drinks way too much. With time I will figure out how or if I can help him there. He's already said that he will stop for the right woman. So maybe the key is figuring out what his version of 'right woman' is and either find a way to fit it...or find him a woman who can. Because, above all else, I want him to be happy...even if he is with someone else. Just so long as he is happy.

Love is a risk worth taking.I realized something yesterday. Stephen is a risk worth taking. My relationship with him is a gamble and, though the odds are stacked steeply against it, I am willing to bet on us. Simply because if I didn't take the risk, if I just let this chance (however slim), pass me by...I would always wonder 'what if' and regret not giving it an honest try.

I make a point to live my life and love without regret.

So here I go again, living for the moment without fear or regret...careless of where my path might lead me...be it to glorious mountains or straight off their cliffs.

Love is a risk worth taking...and so Stephen, are you.